I am not dieting

I am done dieting. For just once in my life I am going to stop and try to love this fat person I have become. I desperately need to separate the person I am on the inside from the person I am on the outside, or is that possible? For so long I have despised the body I have created, despised my actions that created it, and continued in a pattern of addiction and guilt to relieve those feelings. 

I am done dieting. It has become very difficult for me to see myself as valuable as long as I remain overweight. I think I need to correct that kind of thinking or I will never get anywhere with regard to weight loss. My focus right now is on challenging myself to find the beauty I hold inside, to accept myself, to love myself, as I am, then maybe I will grow strong enough to think about loosing weight again. Right now I feel like it has become an obsession, weighing 5-10 times a day, bingeing, fasting, bingeing. I’m tired, and I know there has to be a solution. 

So for right now I am looking at the fat girl in the mirror, and telling her I love her, just the way she is.